For as long as I can remember, I have been a goal-oriented person. I am all about competition and winning and being able to claim a prize (whether there is a real prize or just the pride of knowing I won) at the end of the day. It was very black and white in my eyes. If my team's score was less than the opponent's, we lost. If my grade was an 89 instead of an A, I had failed.
I viewed my weight the same way. I have never been happy with the number on the scale. I can remember being in 3rd grade and weighing 80 pounds, knowing that most of my friends were around 60 pounds. I hated it. I remember when I first broke 100 pounds in the sixth grade, and I heard a girl complaining that she was fat because she was 75 pounds. I hated it. I have always wanted to lose weight, fit into smaller clothes, wear a two piece swimsuit...so many things that other people seemed to do so effortlessly. So when I started my journey to get fit this year, I had a number in mind: 140. I held that number out in front of me like it was a finish line I had to sprint to, and I couldn't slow down until I got there. It was all about the finish line. It was all about the number.
I weighed in at 141 pounds today. I have lost 41 pounds since I began on January 27th. I am one pound away from the number I set in my head so long ago. Back then, it seemed so far from reach. In my head, I would be happy when I reached my goal. When I got to my magic number, I would have succeeded, and then I could rest.
Today, I have reflected on the past 5 months. I have looked at my weight loss graph and remembered each step of the way: when I first started and I dropped 7 lbs. in a week, when I stalled for an entire month and thought I was incapable of any more progress, when I cheated and ate pizza over spring break, when I stopped fitting into old clothes and bought new ones, when I stopped fitting into those clothes and had to buy more new ones, when I looked in the mirror and was so proud of myself, the countless times I went to Chipotle, attempting to cook anything Paleo and then giving up and eating chicken, when I got the flu and couldn't workout for 4 days and I thought my life was over, when I began running and got up to 4 miles without stopping, when I could bicep curl 20 pounds with one arm, when I could dip my entire body weight with my triceps for the first time...There have been so many moments--so many moments along this journey that have brought me happiness, joy, and motivation to continue.
It started out as a race to get to the magic number. Today, I am 1 number away from finishing the race, but now I understand that it was never about finishing as fast as I could. In fact, there isn't a finish line after all. I haven't "won" and getting to 140 lbs. has not brought me ultimate happiness. This is just a check point. The entire journey is what has changed and molded me into a more positive, more driven, more passionate individual. Now, it doesn't have to be about the numbers any more. It is about devoting a huge part of my life to fitness and health. There are so many more check points to reach as I continue! A half marathon, a triathlon, a full marathon, a tough mudder...heck I still can't do a push up. There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna want to make it move...I guess Miley Cyrus is more poetic than we gave her credit for? But I'll get there. And I'll enjoy every minute of the journey. I was going to say the climb, but that's enough Miley for one day.
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